HPTV
by mschmnged
Summary: remixmultiple fanfictions with a pwp humor overtones. flipping through the channels of HPTVmainly for HarryXDraco fangirlswith such topics as mpreg, cracker fros, midnight humpers, pretty ponies, justice court, freezers, ect.
1. HPTVintro

Ok.

For…HPTV

By…Meghan Ross

AKA…mschmnged

You don't have to read this if you don't want to, this is just the intro.

Just so ya know.

Like all the fan fictions say in the beginning,

I do not personally own these characters, just their actions.

For those who haven't read this before,

This is a …montage of Harry Potter fan fictions.

None of them connect to each other except the fact that they are about Harry Potter.

So if you want to read multiple fan fictions with a plot-what-plot format and strong humor overtones, this is the fan fiction for you.

This fan fiction is home to such topics as

mpreg, death, cracker fros, midnight humpers, pretty ponies, justice court, fairy tales, freezers, after-game showers, and such.

The basic idea is that you, the audience, is flipping through the channels of HPTV. (mainly for HarryXDraco fangirls).

Like I said, it's random.

For those of you who have read the original,

I am speaking to you.

This summer has given me a little opportunity to improve this modest entry of mine.

For you.

And, of course, those who haven't read it

so they don't have to got through the pain you did.

Also all of the comments and such you wrote for me (thanks!) have also encouraged me to check it out

(Whence I found out the fact that you really CAN'T write script-type stories on fanfic…for shame, I write a lot of those)

I apologize to those who couldn't understand the original,

And if you've returned to this odd mix, I hope you can enjoy it this time around.

Anyway, it has been modified and 'fixed' you might say.

It's nothing spectacular, very simple with rare detail.

It's all you need I guess.

Tah-dah.


	2. Death of Duddy Boy

…STORY ONE

DEATH OF DUDDY BOY

It wasn't a movie-like funeral, in fact it was a normal sunny day with sing-song birds and wispy clouds.  
Basically this day was a fairy tale day, the perfect day for a funeral.

"Today… we come to mourn …"

It wasn't a very large funeral; the Dursley's wanted to keep it that way for their perfect little boy.  
Nothing but the immediate family and close friends.  
Harry wasn't even invited at first, but then they remembered that the family already knows about him.  
They were forced by their own consciousnesses to invite and threaten him into obedience.  
Well, threatening comes naturally so that wasn't really forced.  
Nevertheless, Harry sulked in the back of the assembly with Ron, whom the family didn't even know was there.

"…mourn the death of a wonderful boy…"

"We came to laugh, really." Harry snickered bitterly to Ron.

"Yeah," Ron replied, "too bad they couldn't find a coffin big enough for Dudley, he's decomposing already. Ewwww…"

"Well at least they didn't try to squeeze him in one."  
Harry chuckled for a brief moment, continuing,  
"There was a king that they tried that with. He exploded. Literally."

"EWWW!!" Ron squealed, though was quickly hushed by Harry as a pug-faced family member shot a disturbed look back at them.

"…and so I ask the father, Vernon, if he has any words to say."

The solemn priest was practically pushed off his podium as Vernon attempted to ram himself between the podium and the wall behind it. Sweaty and breathy, he triumphed over the podium as it creaked beneath his monstrous weight.

"Yes. My Dudley died an honorable and beautiful death. I'm sure Dudley died happy knowing he choked on chocolate cake instead of that nasty rabbit food Petunia has been feeding him."

Harry grew glummer at the reminder and muttered;

"I was going to eat some of that cake until he smashed his fat ugly face in it."

"Hey Harry, can we go see the corpse now?"

"What's the rush?"

Ron began to fidget uncontrollably as he admitted;

"I 'accidentally' ripped up Hermione's letters to Krum. I want to hide them in one of Dudley's skin folds."

"Smart. I'm giving him his smelting stick back so he can take it back to Hell with him. Then Vernon can't use it either."

"Yeah, but there's also umbrellas, Harry. And spatulas and fire pokers and the cross…"

"Shit. I didn't think of that…"

The priest soon won his defeated podium back, wheezing;

"…and as a final tribute I will ask if anyone else would like to say anything?"

Silence claimed the spectators, even snores, until the distinctive sound of an idiot falling backwards in his chair echoed,  
as well as the statement "I would!"

The priest waved his aged claw in approval.

"Please approach the podium. Who are you, son?"

A small mousy boy, soon recognized as Piers by Harry, scampered up to the mike.

"I'm an old friend of Dudley's and I'd like to do something special."

Harry snapped out of his daze, stiffening in what seemed to be fear.

"Oh boy…"

"What? What, Harry?? Tell me!"

"Ron…Ron I think he's going to…"

Piers suddenly puffed up with pride and squeaked;

"I'm going to sing a revised song by Jewel Spirit."

"Aw shit." Harry shuttered, "He is."

"Uh…should I be worried?"

Piers' voice is known to Harry as squeaky, off tune and annoying. And that's exactly how it sounded.

"Faaat boyyy…Goes to school…he picks on the kids, wedgies real coooool…he eats doughnuts inside and cows that diiiied  
…oooh fragile fatttt… the boy who ate the caaat…faaat boyyy… goes about his day…  
trying to think of meaaan things to say like"I'll give a swirlie today" and "I'll hit Harry this wayyyy…  
oooh fragile fattt… the boy who ate the caaat…Hush…sleep…don't think…just eat…  
Your daddy's many chins, and you're mamaaa's duddy kinssssss…  
Ya know I love ya… but not because I hang with yaaaaa…faaat boyyy… says, "wouldn't it be nice?...  
If I could have more creammm than fightsss?...  
or have desert before din, and just pass funny winddddd…"oooh fragile fatttt… the boy who ate the caaat…!"

The song ended pathetically, yet suitably, with crackling sobs.  
Not just from piers though, the whole damn crowd was sobbing, weeping, and sniffling.  
Aunt Petunia glanced around at the sight with puffy wet eyes and swiftly stood, applauding.

"That…that was so BEAUTIFUL!!"

The mass of criers were quick to echo her.

"YEAH!! SO BEAUTIFUL!!!"

Harry was speechless. At first he thought this was the most idiotic crying in mass amounts that he had ever seen,  
but he took it back when his mind jumped to the memories of moaning myrtle.  
Suddenly Ron stood and jumped around, clearly impatient.

"I'll hide Hermione's letters elsewhere, can we just go now??"

"Yeah," Harry said, standing, "Milk Dud can live in Hell without his stick."

But Hell came to Harry as piers' recognizably pre-pubescent voice screeching over the sobs,

"ANOTHER ROUND, EVERYBODY!! FAAAT BOYYY… GOES TO SCHOOL…"

Harry was quick to sprint, leaving Ron bewildered and behind for a second.

"Hurry Ron, move your ass!"

Ron skidded around the corner into the hallway where Harry was almost at the door, screaming;

"I'm sprinting, I'm sprinting!!!…and I'm cramping, I'm cramping!!! Owww!!!"

Almost to the door, Harry prepared to take a bounding leap…

Only to trip over a large solid object that makes a horrible noise when you trip over it.

"OW!!! What the…?"

Scattered on the floor, Harry peered behind himself to see the backside of a very pathetic looking person crouched in the fetal position.

The position was expected, but not the fact that the backside was bare

(As is the rest of the body).

"F-fuckin'…Potter…"

"Malfoy??!!"

Malfoy turned to face his nemesis, his appearance a tad spooky.

His eyes were wide in horror, yet blank and apathetic, his lips were bothered and torn, and his nose rims had been ripped.  
His natural root color had even begun to grow in.

"Get. Me. Out. Of. Here."

"you know what, Malfoy? I'm not going to ask why you're here or what's with the leash..."

"That's for the better, really."

"But you better be able to fit in a car trunk. The Ford's backseat is crammed with Ron's Lego shit."

"HEY!" Ron screeched from the other end of the hall, still bent over with cramped pain,  
"Those need to get to a very important convention!"

"whatever."

Harry stood up a bit shakily, steadied himself, and then bent down to scoop up the battered Draco into his arms.

"Alli-oop!"

"Potter?"

"What?"

"First, that was such a fag thing to say."

"Shut up!"

"Second, that's a pretty fag thing you're doing."

"Huh? I'm rescuing you! How is that faggish??"

"No, I mean, your hand is on my ass. And that better not be your finger."

"Heh, heh, what finger could you possibly be referring to?"

Draco lifted a skeptic eyebrow.

"(Sigh)…sorry, I'll stop."

"Guys? What are you whispering about?"

"Nothing Ron…"

…STORY ONE END


	3. Princess Pureblood

…STORY TWO

PRINCESS PUREBLOOD

"_Once upon a time there was a pretty princess named Draco._

_He loved to wear his puffy pink dress all the time._

_He loved to jump and skip and play in it._" 

Draco's head snapped up.

He quickly glanced around the corridor to see where the mysterious voice had come from.

He looked just in time to see the bold words written in blood sink into the wall which they had been written on.

The insult hit him as 'pink' faded last.

"I hate you!" he screamed at the indifferent wall. "You die now, unknown writer! 

"He he!" Crabbe and Goyle laughed, walking up from behind, "Draco, you got served! Nasty!" 

Suddenly new words smeared themselves on the walls…

"_He would always go out and play with his princess goons Cabbiekins and Goylie,_

_Who also had puffy dresses, but in orange and yellow._"

"Hey!"

Unexpectedly, Harry appeared and wandered towards the Slytherins, snickering.

"What's wrong, princess?"

"HOW MUCH OF THAT DID YOU SEE, DAMMIT??"

"All of it, naturally."

Before Draco could make a comeback, the wall continued to tell its tale…

"…_But one day the evil prince Snape kidnapped pretty princess Draco, whom he loved_." 

"WHAT? No I don't!!"

Everyone turned to see Snape raging down the halls, his robes billowing in obvious fury.

"How come Snape isn't a princess?!" Draco spat at the wall, "make him a princess too, or you die!"

The wall paused for a moment, then its unfamiliar voice and bloody words returned without heed.

_"So he was going to force Princess Draco into marriage until…"_

"The author got a grip on reality?" Snape hissed. 

"The Ice cream man came?" Crabbe and Goyle guessed hopefully. 

"I killed the fucking author?" Draco deduced with a fist. 

"At least I'm not in this shit." Harry laughed, strutting away.

"_The good knight Harry Potter came in on his white stallion._" The wall drawled.

"Aw crap." Harry muttered, turning back hesitantly to watch the wall's next entry.

"_Harry came and saved Princess Draco, and once they arrived home…_"

The wall paused with a cinematic effect, seemingly pleased with itself.

"_They_ _had lots of creepy fan-girl sex!!!_"

Crabbe and Goyle cocked their heads quizzically. "Huh….?"

Draco and Harry wrenched backwards screeching,

"ack…! WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF YOU DIE NOW!!!"

Snape watched the boys madly claw at the unaffected wall and said to himself,

"Umm….at least its not me?"

The wall seemed to beam with pride (if walls can really do that) as Draco and Harry pathetically pawed at. It finally sighed gleefully,

"_The End_"

Silence didn't suit the situation so Crabbe and Goyle whimpered,

"We so didn't understand that. We were barely in it…and no food…"

"THAT FSCKING AUTH…hey…" Draco turned to Harry perplexed, "Where's Dumbledore?"

Harry crossed his arms and pouted, "I don't fucking know!"

Suddenly the wall spouted red words again, soon narrated by a more recognizable voice.

"_My, my boys, now who did you think was writing this?_" 

Abruptly the whole school awoke at the piercing sound of death cries of five person's misfortune,

"YOU DIE, BASTARD!!!"

As well as the sound of every wall squealing in delight!

…STORY TWO END


	4. The Grand Rescue

…STORY THREE

THE GRAND RESCUE

"I wish I may, I wish I might…"

Draco's life never seemed to end, no matter how many stars he wished on.  
Endless days and nights of Voldemort's threats, orders, and curses, always on the brink of getting his family killed…  
He realized he never really appreciated his better days at Hogwarts, despite its few setbacks for conspiring Slytherins.

"Killed five more…" he muttered, shocked with himself.

After the whole 'Dumbledore's death' thing, Snape attempted to hide Draco,  
But Lord Voldemort's broom closet didn't work out too well.  
People need a bath every now and then, really.  
Anyway, he was found and like some damn fairy-tale princess, was shut up in the highest tower of his own house, the Malfoy Manor.  
Until, of course, Voldemort would see fit to have Draco torture, or even kill, again.

"Five more…"

At least he had a window; he had actually never seen the room before (despite the fact that it was his own house).  
The view was quite spectacular, like Hogwarts, but darker.  
He was really starting to miss Hogwarts.  
Suddenly a sharp tap was heard from outside his window, making Draco twist, startled.  
Reaching for his wand, yet careful not to pull it out visibly in case it was Voldemort, he squinted at the only window.

A dark silhouette…

Draco tensed, his eyes growing wide as he quivered, fear smothering him.  
What was coming to persecute him this time??  
Dementor? Death Eater? Voldemort?  
Draco jumped at just the thought, trembling so hard, his hand dropped his wand and his legs crumpled beneath him.  
Through his watering eyes he saw the silhouette hovering…astride a broomstick??

"W-what…? Oh my god, am I-I being rescued?? O-or tormented?? W-who …?"

A familiar face peered into the frame, searching. The green eyes soon found its target, and Harry Potter threw open the window  
(After unlocking it, naturally).

"Oh my god, P-Potter! What the…?!"

Gasping as he lunged himself through the window archway, Harry dusted off his cloak and smiled at Draco.

"Oh, shut up Malfoy." He chuckled.

"w-what are you doing here?? H-he'll kill you!"

Draco stood shakily, his large grey eyes looking around franticly for the monstrous man he spoke of.

"Who, Voldemort?" Harry laughed again, scoping out Draco's dreary prison chamber. "Like he hasn't tried before..."  
He turned to Draco with one brow raised, "Besides, aren't you supposed to want me dead too? Aren't you going to call him here?"

"W-w-well, I…" Draco was completely thrown off. He had no clue what to think or say.

"Look, I know you're actually a good person, Mal-er… Draco... you're only doing this stuff to save your family"

Harry took a step closer to the unstable Malfoy, the reassuring smile never fading from his face.  
Draco, still petrified, took a fumbling step back.

"But..."

"…and Dumbledore's murder was intentionally a good deed on your part... despite the fact that it required you to kill,I guess I forgive you... Not like you ended up killing him anyway, so stop gawking and let me save you, ok?"

Harry took another step forward, hand outreached in pardon, but, again, Draco took another step away.

"But... Potter... I... but..."

"Look, I'm saving you from that half dead fucker and taking you to the good side, this was the best time to save you…"

The smile faded a bit from his face as he realized that Draco wasn't coming around.  
But Harry had always been insistent on seeing things to the end,  
so he took another step forward and offered his hand a little more insensitively.

"We'll make sure the rest of your family is rescued… we'll protect all of you…"

Draco's eyes widened further as he tried to take another step away,  
yet his back hit the wall and Harry quickly filled in the space between them.

"Um... ok, but..."

Harry's smile was rapidly replaced by a face of perplexity.

"Look do you want me to save you or what?"

He slammed his arms against the wall, keeping Draco locked in place as he brought himself nose to nose with the frightened blonde.  
Draco quivered and wriggled as Harry's hot breath cascaded down on his goose-bumped skin,  
his rescuer's intense green eyes attempting to keep his wide grey ones in a lock hold.  
Yet Draco broke the uncomfortable connection, instead looking desperately at his far-from-reach wand.

"I'm not going to rape you." Harry assured him, practically whispering.

Choking on words, Draco's body tensed, every bit of him attentive of whatever touched him;  
…Harry's dark hair tickling his forehead, his nose lightly brushing his own, and, unexpectedly, coarse fingers brushing back a stray blonde hair, lingering at his nape.

"D-DONT JOKE ABOUT THAT!"

Harry pulled back, shocked.

"W-wha? What the fuck is wrong with you??"

His firm hand yanked at Draco's chin, encouraging him to look forward into Harry's quizzical face.

"Do you…do you really hate me that much?"

"... It's just... I'm finding that hard to believe right now."

"What?" Harry whispered, moving close to Draco once again, "that I'm not going to rape you? Don't be stupid Malfoy…"

"I- I'm not being s-stupid! Leggo! Get off, Potter!"

"You know what?" Harry chuckled, "maybe I will…just a little…"

"w-what???"

Harry kept one arm on the wall yet brought the other down to Draco's waist, emitting a high squeak from Draco.  
Harry laughed but stopped quickly, a look too serious for Draco's comfort in its place.

"Ready?"

"Huh??"

Swiftly, Harry stole a kiss.  
It was short-lived though, for Draco wasn't ready and yanked his head back too sharply, causing it to smack into the wall.

"AH! OWWW!"

"…!!! Draco!"

Harry jumped back, eyes wide, waving his arms about franticly.  
Draco clenched the back of his head and slid down the wall until his ass hit the floor, whimpering.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I just… I-I asked if you were ready!!"

"I didn't say I was! I didn't even know what you were doing!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"oooh…owwww…there's a bump…"

Harry kneeled down beside Draco and ran his hands softly through his hair until he found the irritated bulge.  
Draco flinched and tried to wriggle away, but Harry kept him in a firm grip with his other hand.All he could do was watch Harry through his watery eyes as he massaged the irritation.

"ooo…yeah, its swelling pretty bad…"

"ow!"

"Sorry…"

Harry's hair was a lot longer than Draco remembered.  
Not in a bad way of course, it was just that it was also tangled and unkempt.  
Draco looked intently at Harry's face, suddenly noticing the blood, bruises, grime, and new scars that slightly disfigured it.  
It had even aged with experience in a mysteriously compelling way.  
He couldn't take his eyes off his cut, chapped lips, sunken weary eyes, and messy hair.  
Harry had always been scruffy but this was different.  
What did he go through to get here?

Suddenly he saw Harry's eyes shoot open with shock and glanced over Draco's huddled body.  
Draco felt as if he was being x-rayed, and curled up tighter as if trying to hide himself.  
Coarse fingers traced a fresh cut along his arm, causing Draco to jump and slam his eyes shut.

"Draco… where did you get all these injuries…?!"

Draco whined quietly and slowly opened his eyes, looking blurrily at Harry,who looked clearly taken aback as he examined his wounds.Draco's broken body seemed worse than Harry's;  
skinny and malnourished, freckled with bruises, cuts, and scars of various size and age.  
Many scabbed wounds had already cracked and bled at movement, coating Harry's curious fingers.  
Draco didn't speak, only looked pitifully into Harry's eyes, transfixed.

"…never mind. I'm going to try to heal some of these, ok?"

Pulling out a familiar wand, Harry touched its warm tip to the deepest cuts first.  
The skin at the rips pulled themselves taut over the tender flesh, healing the best they could for the moment.  
Draco barely noticed though, he was more focused on the warm hand which rested softly on his bruised thigh.  
What did Harry go through? Why did he go through so much trouble?

"Hermione can fix these better later…"

"Harry…"

"humn? What?"

"…nothing."

"…hey."

"What?"

"You said my name."

"What?"

"You said my name. Harry. You said it."

"W-wha?" Draco blushed, stunned.

"You said my name…"

Harry was smiling. Not just any smile, either.  
This one was genuine, not the like the snide smirks they used to exchange.  
He almost seemed relieved.

"W-well…well what's it to you, Potter??" Draco spat.

"Huh?"

"Don't get so worked up over it, queer!"

Harry stared at Draco, completely shocked.  
Draco was also surprised at what he just said, quickly closing his gaping mouth.  
Silence passed for a moment, both unmoving.

"I see…"

Harry stood, stretching on his way up.  
Tucking away his wand, he looked around for a moment, then back at the window, where his broom still waited.  
Slowly, he looked back down at Draco.  
Smiling.

"I see." He repeated.

Harry gently yanked Draco back up to his feet, sighing peacefully.  
Draco just let it happen, surprised thoroughly. He didn't know how many more surprises he could take.

"It's ok, Malfoy… I guess we have a ways to go before we can break the habit, huh?"

"Habit?"

"Common, let's go. They're all waiting."

"T-they?"

Harry escorted Draco to the window, the sky a grand palette of sunrise colors.  
Harry lifted his fingers to his mouth and whistled, echoing over the grim treetops.  
Suddenly the leaves rustled below them, and the woods spat out about six people on broomsticks.

"Harry! Did you find him?" Ron shouted, looking around nervously.

"Yeah, he's right here."

Harry's friends flew up a bit closer to the window and Draco edged closer in awe.  
They came to rescue him. All of them.  
Even though he made fun of every one of them, they were there.  
He was shocked beyond words.  
No one, not even his own friends… no, they weren't his friends anymore.  
This was proof enough of that.  
Everything was changing so quickly.

"Hey, is he ok?"

"What?"

"He looks a bit shaken."

Harry quickly grasped Draco's shoulders as he wavered, dizzy from the day's events.  
Pulling him into his embrace, Harry reassured the rest of his party that he'd be ok.

"We'll be out in a minute, ok?"

"When did you guys get so friendly?" Seamus giggled.

"Oh hush!" Hermione smiled, a little shaky on her broom.

"Hurry up Harry, someone might find us!" Neville fretted.

"Yeah," Dean smirked, "that white peacock already got Seamus!"

"Shut up!" a flustered Seamus spat, rubbing the bite marks from the regal creature.

"And if we don't hurry, the Snap-wallowed Gherblekins will get us too." Luna sighed dreamily.

"Yeah, yeah, one min."

Harry grabbed his broom, preparing to mount, but Ron flew closer and whispered with his trademark face of disgust;

"And Harry? What was he doing when you found him?"

"Humn? Oh, I think he was in the shower. Why?"

"Could you, maybe, put some clothes on him before we go?"

"Shut up, Ron."

…STORY THREE END


	5. Auction

…STORY FOUR

AUCTION

"…do I have any takers? No? Onto the next item…"

The annual auction in Diagon Alley was known for having the best items of the highest quality,  
all the richest wizards and witches gathered for the event.  
The auction was silent so far besides the auctioneer's monotone voice rapidly going through the first items.  
Lucius and Draco Malfoy sat near the back to avoid contact with the 'lowlife' others.

"This is stupid, father, can I go??"

"No."

"But I'll bet that Potter or Weasley or even that mudblood is outside…"

Lucius didn't speak, only looked ahead, emotionless.  
Taking that as a yes, Draco stood to leave, but he was quickly struck by the silver snake on the end of Lucius' staff.

"I said no. sit and enjoy the auction."

"Whatever." Draco snarled, sitting sourly.

"Seriously son, grow up. Why don't you buy something?"

"Fine. The next thing they auction, I'll buy!"

"…I now hold the very boxers of the Chosen One! Harry Potter!"

"Aw hell…"

Draco looked at his father with the 'please-don't-make-me' face but Lucius just raised his eyebrow in waiting.

Draco sighed, sitting up, "I'll buy 'em... 60000!"

"SOLD!" the auctioneer shouted, pointing his gavel at Draco with a solemn smirk, "to sexy blonde gay boy in back!"

"HEY! I take offense to that!"

"My apologies," the man smirked, "in consolidation, you'll also get my number,"

"WHAT??"

"That is if you're not too caught up in Harry Potter and have time for other men."

"SHUT UP!"

"Malfoy, be polite and except."

"WWWHAT?? B-but… father!"

"Humn? Oh, I already knew you were gay for Potter, everyone does. Really, son, you're quite obvious."

"What…! I don't! I never! I…!"

"HEY!"

Every chair in the auction hall squeaked as the people turned to see Harry Potter standing defensively in the doorway.

"Who the hell gave you the permission to sell my old boxers??"

"M-Mr. Potter!"

"Now tell me," Harry said, walking down the isle and stopping at the podium, "did you sell them?"

"y-yes!" the auctioneer whimpered, fiddling with his earring anxiously.

"Really?" Harry asked, shocked, losing his bad-ass demeanor. "For how much?"

"S-sixty-thousand, sir!"

"What?! Really?"

"Yes sir!"

"Wait…who bought them?"

"Do you want them back, Mr. Potter?"

"God no, I threw them away for a reason. I just can't believe you creeps went through my garbage to sell it…and for that much! So who bought them?"

"Um…" the thin man wriggled uncomfortably for a minute, then looked back at Malfoy and asked,

"Sir, did you wish to stay anonymous?"

"OF COURSE I DID!"

Everyone turned to stare at Draco. Harry's mouth dropped.

"oh." the auctioneer whispered, turning back to Harry, "sorry sir, we can't reveal his identity."

"IDIOT!!!"

"Malfoy?? You bought my old boxers??"

"NO!"

"Yes you did, son. Admit it. This is your big chance. Reel him in and when you're through with him, I'll hand him over to you-know-who. Everyone's happy."

"NOT ME!"

"First off," Harry said, walking towards the Malfoy's, "I'm not getting handed over by anyone to anyone. Second,

What do you mean, 'when you're through with him'?"

"OH MY GOD!"

"You mean you don't know, Potter? About my son?"

"Depends on what you're referring to…"

"SHUT UP, DAD!"

"Well it has to do with you."

"Me? The fact that he hates me? Yeah, I know. I just didn't know he was that obsessed…sick, really."

"I HATE YOU BOTH!"

"Sssh son! Are you really that dense Potter?"

"What do you mean? Get to the point."

"HE HAS NO POINT! THERE IS NO POINT!"

"Really-really, Potter? You want to know?"

"Tell me already!"

"YOU TELL HIM NOTHING, DAMMIT!"

"Oh," Lucius turned to his flailing son, "then you admit, Draco?"

"Seriously what's going on?" Harry asked.

"I ADMIT NOTHING!"

"Ah," Lucius smirked, "Then you really do…"

"Do what?? Seriously, someone fill me in!"

"WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON, FATHER?!"

"There are no sides, Draco, you're just hysterical."

"Will one of you Malfoy's please…?"

"HYSTARICAL?? HYSTARICAL??!! I HAVE EVERY RIGHT WHEN MY OWN FATHER IS OUTING ME ON OUR ENEMY…! Shit."

"Outing?" Harry asked, "What do you mean outing? Do you mean…"

Harry laughed. He laughed so hard he couldn't even finish his sentence.  
Lucius sat back down, no longer involving himself with the situation.  
Draco froze, blushing with his mouth gaping.  
The audience intently waited for the next move, as if watching a film.

"Oh…oh my god! Malfoy's gay for me?! M-Malfoy, seriously? Since when?"

"S-shut up…"

"Malfoy, seriously, when did this start?" Harry choked for a minute on his own laughter, breathing hard.

"It…it…I…"

"Oh my god, this is so…so…so something that would happen to me. This kind of stuff always happens to me…"

"…Is it a problem?"

Harry looked back at Malfoy, surprised at the tone in his voice.  
Draco had his head hung, shoulders hunched, fists clenched.  
He was even shivering as if… as if he were about to…

"I asked if it was a problem, Potter."

Draco shot the angriest, most offended face at Harry, his face burning red, hair disheveled from his tantrum, and his eyes, surprisingly, watering with tears.

Harry didn't know what to do. He just stood there, at a loss for words.

"Whatever!" Draco spat as he ran towards the doors.

"Ah, wait!"

Waking from his daze, Harry chased down Draco, quickly catching up to him before he could leave.  
Wrapping his arms around Draco from behind in a lock hold, Harry struggled to keep him in control.

"Let me go! Let me go, asshole!"

"Stop struggling Malfoy! Ugh, my tibia, you kicked my tibia!"

Knowing he wouldn't keep a hold of Malfoy for long the way he was,  
Harry whisked Draco around and grabbed his arms from the front,  
trying to look him eye-to-eye.

"Draco, cut it out!"

"Don't call me by my name, ugly!"

"Yeah, real mature."

"Shut it!"

"Draco!"

"Eh…leggo…"

Draco knew he couldn't escape anymore. All he could do was look away from his eyes.  
His hands were so warm and gentle though…

"Draco… I never said it was a problem."

"I said let g…!…what?"

"I never said it was a problem."

"…!"

Harry pulled him closer and placed Draco's pale arms around his shoulders, then wrapped his own around Draco's waist.  
Rooted to the spot, Draco was unsure of everything, but wanting it all.

"Really?"

"Really-really."

With that, Harry pressed a kiss to Draco's flushed lips, hugging him closer.  
They paused for a second; eye's hazed, breath hot, savoring each other's flavor.

"H-Harry…"

Urgently, their lips joined once more, kissing deeper than before, like the ebb and flow of the waves on the beach…  
And their audience sighed in the romantic drift.

"Ah!" Draco gasped as he pulled away from Harry's embrace, looking at all the smiling, smirking faces awing back at them.

"I forgot about them…" Harry whispered, grasping Draco's hand.

Draco blushed even deeper.

"Oh god!" the auctioneer sighed wistfully, "That was so cute! I need somebody!"

"Come now, Draco," Lucius droned, "That wasn't so bad was it? It only took you, what, six, seven years?"

"Come on, Draco, let's crash this joint." Harry laughed.

"Whatever hotshot." Draco smiled back, walking to the doors with him.

"WAIT!"

The auctioneer chased them down, waving his arms madly.

"Malfoy, sir, you almost forgot the boxers you bid on!"

"No thanks!" Draco winked, starting to get comfortable with the situation at hand, "I'll have a free pair tonight."

…STORY FOUR END


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